and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
