I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
there's paper in my vomit.
my hangover today makes thursday's feel like a bubble bath.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
