I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
if you like me you must not know who I am
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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