Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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