I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
