she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
noooo, I woke up on his pack porch and the SUN WAS RISING. I saw red lights everywhere and heard sirens so I just ran for my life.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
