I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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