I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Randomize
