My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Randomize
