sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
... thanks for letting me perform minor surgery on myself last night.
I figured if you were smart enough to sterilize with vodka, you could handle it.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
