Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Just saw a commercial for non alcoholic baileys cream. WHAT THE HELL IS THE POINT?!
Randomize
