I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
