hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
To celebrate the holidays this evening, I will be replying “FUCK YOU” to all my spam emails. Can’t tell you how excited I am
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