Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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