singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
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