I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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