he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
