Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Parents said they were cutting off my AmEx card. So I immediately went up to the liquor store and purchased $550 of booze before it was canceled. I'm expecting your arrival in 30 minutes.
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
