I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
You set a couch on fire in my brothers backyard?
Just the cushions
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Randomize
