someone get that fucking seahorse.
it can't be normal that my body odor smells like fries
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Randomize
