Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
As if me making pizza in a skillet wasn't enough proof that I was in no state to be cooking, this burn blister on my hand is
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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