do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Puking blue powerade in mcdonalds parking lot to the applause of the guy taking out the trash with man in the mirror blasting in the background. Good morning stl
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
