I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
