Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I think the boy in my gender studies class cried when 90% of the girls said they had faked an orgasm
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
