Can Purell be used as lube?
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
