Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
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