I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Bad news is I found gravy in my nightstand again.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
Randomize
