i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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