If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
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