I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
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