First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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