can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
