I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
it was the drunk execution of a sober decision, and its much more tasteful than the first mullet
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
