This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I think i peed on brittanys purse
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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