Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Randomize
