i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
In America we eat man semen.
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
Randomize
