My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
You motherfucker. I just had an MRI with a penny under my boob.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
