I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
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