when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
You said you wanted to go to louisiana and get arrested by Steven segal
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
