just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
Randomize
