Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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