That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
What??! Dude I'm not having you barging in at like 2 am smelling of cigarettes and disappointment to sleep on my couch and then have an awkward morning with my wife while I'm at work.
Touché sir
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