Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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