I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
