you know i think I know why you are single...because you are real cute but then you open your mouth and let words come out and all goes to hell.
Barsexuality is the new black.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
Randomize
