there was 4 little kids screaming in high pitched voices at the top of their lungs at the sox game and their mom just leaned over to me and said 'if thats not birth control i dont know what is'
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
My walk of shame this morning would have been much less obvious if it hadn't been 6:30 in the morning and I wasn't walking through downtown Nashville in a Steeler jersey.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Yes but funny for a 45 year old hell bent on reliving her college days by giving body shots and hand jobs. Not necessarily in that order
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
