mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Actions speak louder than pants.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
I'm tired of looking like my mother fucked Chewbacca.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Randomize
