This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
