idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
just got my goo swallowed for the first time. colors seem so much more vivid now, and more rainbows are outside
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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