I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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