I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
She does have a great personality.
Yeah, in her vagina.
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
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