oh god the rape fog is back!
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
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