did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
