I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
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