Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
