Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
