imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Sex should not remind me of how baby birds get fed
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize