I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Randomize
