i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
Randomize
