I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
So I was thinking for Halloween I'd do Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde....for my vagina.
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
Randomize
