I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
I feel like him using the excuse "I'm not a fan of lying" to stop me from sleeping around is hypocritical since he's cheating on his wife with me.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
