I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
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