i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
You pulled the fire alarm because you had to shit and there was someone in the bathroom. you said you needed privacy
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
Randomize
