i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
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