How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
totally just realized while washing my face that Cetaphil looks like semen.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
We fucked then made friendship bracelets, his mother taught him right!
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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