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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
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