I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Holy. Shit. I just remembered all the lapdances....
Randomize
