Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I chose taco bell over sex...
good choice.
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I need to wash the frat house off of me
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
