woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
