I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize