Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
how does Santa get into Hogwarts?
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
