Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
