I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
It is like...the most transformative hard on I have ever had.
Randomize
