I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
dude there's automatic no homos on brad Pitt and Leonardo dicaprio. Everyone knows that
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
