i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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